


Strangers

by mehsarah



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Recovery, Strangers to Lovers, Touch-Starved, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-13 01:23:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11749191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mehsarah/pseuds/mehsarah
Summary: Even creates a temporary home in a motel room for a stranger.Isak is lost and broken and doesn't know what to think of the stranger who is his new roommate.





	1. Temporary Home

**Author's Note:**

> Just saying: I'm german and my english writing sucks, I wrote this because I was bored on vacation and was stuck writing my dystopian zombie novel and texts about whether cloning is morally right. Enjoy.

Isak didn’t trust him. Not at all. But unfortunately this stranger was his only opportunity. A fact that he hated. When did he become so helpless? Probably around the time he had been sitting and sobbing in front of this motel, searching his backpack for not existing money while the realisation that he could run but would never have somewhere to run to, set in. When he was not only filled concern but with a small spark of hope as this stranger offered to let him stay with him for only a fourth of what he should pay. What could he do but hope? Be homeless? Go back to what he ran away from? Never. 

Maybe this mysterious stranger was just kind. Maybe. Did he say his name was Even? It all happened so fast. The events that lead to him sitting on a sterile white motel bed and looking at a stranger - Even unpacking his clothes, that were surely way too expensive for a shabby hotel room, seemed surreal. He looked calm. Not like he was regretting his decision. He’d see if that was a good or bad thing.

Isak should maybe do something too, unpack or ask his new roommate what everything means but the whole situation felt unreal so all he did was sitting on the bare cover of the bed and registering that he got away and that this apparently was temporarily his bed. If that was true he’d have a bed for himself for the first time in years. No fake intimacy to mask the ugly truth anymore. If the other man wouldn’t want to make him repay for the other fourth of the money. He really wouldn’t know what he would do then, although he set himself up for it to not be disappointed if it happened. He wouldn’t trust the guy until he clearly knew his intentions, period. 

Even on the other side of the room seemed to be finishing his unpacking and turned to Isak. “So…” he started and the man spoken to quickly looked at the floor to avoid the awkwardness. “I’m getting something to eat. Would you like to come with me?” He shook his head. Although his stomach was aching for food, he had no money and he wouldn’t beg the man for any more of it. He would figure something out. “Okay. Shall I get you something?” A kind smile graced his lips. Too kind to be true. Isak shook his head again and Even left the room after another “Okay”.

As he was alone Isak noticed how exhausted he was. He didn’t allow himself to display fatigue to even himself before but now, that the stranger was away and none of his past demons could possibly trace him, his only desire was too sleep. He didn’t want to- Even could come back anytime and sleep was a state of weakness but he couldn’t deny it anymore. He slumped onto the pillow and although the jeans he’d been wearing for two days were uncomfortable and the lingering threat of his peace possibly being interrupted any second hung over the room, his eyes immediately fluttered shut and it took him less than a minute to drift into sleep.

When he woke up in a strange, dimly lit room his first instinct was to panick and his breathing fastened until the events that lead to him in this room came back to him. Slowly he sat up and noticed that his shoulders were sore from sleeping in his jacket and his clothes were clinging to his weirdly sweaty body uncomfortably.

Isak took a glance at the other side of the room to see a boy in sweatpants and a way too big t-shirt comfortably lounging on the bed, reading a book. Noticing the stare, Even looked up and shot him a smile. “It’s 10 am. You slept through the whole afternoon and evening yesterday. At night you seemed pretty uneasy and shifted a lot but I didn’t want to disturb you as you seemed so exhausted.” He nodded. Nightmares. That’s why sweat lined his skin. Fortunately he didn’t seem to have made any noise.

“I know you said you didn’t want something but I brought you a sandwich anyway. It’s from yesterday though, so I won’t blame you if you throw it away.” he informed Isak and pointed to the table where the food laid, wrapped in tin foil. The younger boy couldn’t help but get up and rush towards it. He muttered a quick but sincere “Thank you.” before he devoured the sandwich in a few bites. The additional hours had hollowed out his stomach even more and although his body immediately demanded to be fed properly, the dried bread and cheese made a satisfied smile appear on his face. This vanished when he noticed that Even had been watching him. Quickly trying to find his composure again, he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Um..Thank you.” he said louder this time. “No problem, I’m glad you liked it.” the older man smiled. Isak just nodded awkwardly and shuffled back to his bed. What else was there to do? 

Unfortunately his roommate had put down his book and he felt eyes scanning over his small form. He didn’t like being observed like that. His boyfriend- ex boyfriend, had always looked at him like every inch was his property. Like he was a toy. Not a breathing, living, feeling being. He had no idea how Even was looking at him right now and he didn’t dare to glance back. 

“I’m Even.” He knew. “Even Bech Næsheim.” “You told me.” “I wasn’t sure if you remembered. You were pretty exhausted.” Isak nodded and silence falls over the two of them again. He tries to get himself to say his name. Isak. Just his first name. He couldn’t let someone pay for everything around him and then be so ungrateful to not even reveal anything of who he was. He didn’t want to. He used to like his name until David came and whispered it poisonously sweet, moaned it disgustingly uncaring and yelled it scaringly angry. No one else would make him hate the sound of his name again. So he had to let nobody in. Not even on his name.

“I’m a film student.” Even started again. “I should be on campus right now but it all became too much. So I searched for a small temporary getaway.” He didn’t mind the distraction but why was he telling him this? Why were they even in the same room? 

“Do you like films?” Isak could only get himself to nod. Even smiled a ridiculously bright smile. “Maybe you can look over mine sometime.” Sometime. How long was this stay planned? He nodded again but felt that he had to say s _ omething _ if he wanted to preserve his time in their room. “My... my favourite movie is The Grand Budapest Hotel.” he brought out shakily.

His favourite movie would not make him vulnerable. Unless this guy was like David. He loved to ruin the things that made him happy. When Isak sat content on the couch, surrounded by pillows watching The X Files he would come around and start touching him in the dark. Season 5, Episode 11 had left him especially sore and bleeding. His boyfriend had been having a bad day. Isak couldn’t watch that episode ever again. He shouldn’t have told this guy his favourite movie. Was he being paranoid? Not everyone was out to hurt him. But as long as he was bound to this guy he’d be careful.

“Ahh. Wes Anderson, huh? A legend.” He nodded with a smile this time because he actually liked Wes Anderson. And he would have actually liked this conversation if he weren’t plagued by worry and over analyzing every word. After that Even focused on his book again and Isak couldn’t help but crawl back under his blanket. He was still so so worn out. For the longest time he wasn’t able to rest properly, always having threats looming over him. He could sleep for the rest of his life. 

But he only slept into the afternoon and woke up to the smell of food and Even gone. On his nightstand stood a pizza carton containing the biggest pizza he had ever seen. Was that for him? Why else would it be on his nightstand? He wasn’t able to form more questions as the hunger overwhelmed him and he stuffed his mouth with the slices. Finally having satisfied his rumbling stomach for a while, he wondered. It could have only come from Even. But why would he get him food? And why would he eat it? He had already taken enough from the other man and shouldn’t provoke him in any way.

But Isak took the sushi that was laid out for him the next day, the burger and fries from the one after and the pasta from the next one. He didn’t want to think about how he’d have to provide for food otherwise. He felt guilty but his roommate didn’t seem angry at the empty food containers. Unwillingly a little routine had established. Isak slept all day, only waking up for the food while Even was out. When he came back in the evening he took some time to tell Isak things. He was 21. His parents were dentists. Did you know that tarantulas can go over two years without food? He didn’t ask questions. When Isak contributed to the conversation he rewarded him with a big smile. And when he didn’t he didn’t punish him. His smile just didn’t seem as sincere. So Isak tried to say one or two careful sentences. He liked Evens smile, although he’d never admit it. David had smiled at him in the beginning too.

This evening was the same. Even talked about the cinematography in Romeo & Juliet and Isak listened. He couldn’t help but let the words make him smile. They were so far away from his world. His world had become this motel room, mostly the bed. He hasn’t seen the outside in five days. What’s the point? And what if his roommate decided that the room was prettier without him? Everytime Even started a sentence he feared the end of his time in their room. But most of all he feared that he’d have to pay his rent in a different way. David had made him pay for simply existing.

Sometimes he wondered if he had anything left to give or if the man he once loved had taken all there was inside of him.

With these unpleasant thoughts on his mind Isak laid in the dark and listened to Evens steady breaths until he also drifted into sleep.


	2. Running

He had to move. He had to defend himself. He didn’t know where he was or who he was with but he sensed danger. The kind of danger David used to inflict.

 

Hands tried to grab him and he flinched away, a panicked “Don’t touch me!” escaping his throat and he noticed that this had interrupted a series of screams. He wanted to scream more but it was so much and his chest felt tight and breathing was weirdly difficult all of a sudden. The helplessness drove tears into his eyes and he wrapped his arms around himself and felt incredibly small.

 

A voice came through to him. ‘’Hey?Hey.” Even. A part of him wanted to be relieved at the older man’s presence but he shut it down quickly. Who wanted to live with someone who couldn’t even let you sleep? At the thought of messing up their arrangement, Isaks chest tightened even more although he had expected it every day. Suddenly a warmth surrounded the younger boy and it took him some time to identify the new sensation as a set of arms being wrapped around his shaking body. It must be Even. But why would he want to even touch someone as pathetic as him? He must be looking disgusting with his face swollen up from crying. Although he shouldn’t, he enjoyed the touch. He’d been missing non hurtful human contact for way too long. And Even’s arms were the opposite of hurtful and Isak started sobbing again at being held like this. He only ever wanted to be held like this forever, smelling Even’s mint shower gel. But then a voice crept into his mind asking him if he deserved this and he pulled out of the embrace as an answer. He didn’t. He needed to stop bothering this guy. This guy who, when Isak looked up, looked slightly hurt at the withdrawal. The younger boy wanted nothing else but to jump back into his arms. What if he had made him angry with pulling back? Besides, he already missed the embrace. He was aching for touch, although he did a good job repressing it. 

 

Quickly Evens expression changed back to caring concern and his roommate felt guilt washing over him. This guy should not harbour any more than casual feelings for him. He couldn’t get involved. No, no, no. He couldn’t stop his tears from flowing again and Even seemed lost debating on how to stop them. “Why are you doing this?” he rasped out between sobs and the older man helplessly drew circles on his hand which was, despite the unsure nature of it, slightly comforting. “Doing what?” He seemed scared that he had done something wrong. Why would he care? “Taking me in. Paying for my stay. Getting me food. Sacrificing your fucking sleep for me.” it all bubbled out, voice weak and shaky but he felt better when he got it all out. Even seemed surprised at getting accused for positive things. “What of it bothers you?” Now it was Isak’s turn to be surprised, swallowing hardly. “I...I don’t know. Just… I don’t like being helpless. But I am and I don’t know what to fucking do with myself except sleep all day and accepting that you won’t let me starve. I hate being dependent on you and to be honest I’m fucking scared of what you might ask for in return but I’m too useless to do anything on my own.” He let it all out, the words coming quicker and quicker. Once they were said he got mad at himself for most of them. How dare him bother this guy even more? Revealing his fear to him? Stupid, stupid, stupid. He was going to pay for this, he knew it.

 

But looking at Even he read pity on his face. Fucking pity. Not rage or urge to hurt. He wished there was. He wished he didn’t live on that fucking pity. “I’m sorry if..” Even started but Isak couldn’t take it. It made him feel so much weaker, being seen as something to feel sorry for. “Go away. Please.” he said quietly but sure and sincere. His roommates expression didn’t change as he got up and dropped a small piece of paper on the nightstand. “I’m gonna take a walk. Call me if you need anything.” A small smile played around his lips as he pointed at the old telephone sitting on their table, but it didn’t radiate the warmth it usually did. Then Even was out of the door and Isak fell back onto his mattress. Could he possibly have fucked up any worse?

 

Isak woke up with sunbeams on his face and takeout noodles on his nightstand. Groaning he stopped himself from reaching for the food as the events of last night came back to him. His alarm clock read 15:21. Even wasn’t in their room. He was hungry but not enough to overcome his pride. What should he do? What would Even do? He needed to leave, that much was clear. Last night he had replaced the difficult thoughts with sleep but now he was wide awake and they echoed through his mind. Run, run, run. He didn’t want to run again. Although the motel room wasn’t entirely safe, it had taken the place of home for Isak although he’d repress the feeling.

 

Bones heavy, he got up and noticed that he had been wearing and sleeping in the same clothes for the last entire week. He must be smelling disgusting. Quickly he got out of the jeans and shirt and searched for a hoodie and pants in his backpack. He hadn’t taken many clothes but he found what he wanted and soon the room was ridded of any sign that Isak was ever there. The bed was freshly made and the few belongings he had put on his nightstand or in the bathroom were back in his backpack. He was ready to leave. Physically at least. Tears sprang into his eyes and he angrily wiped them away. He needed to get a fucking grip. In that surge of anger he left the room and found himself in a bleak corridor.

 

79 read the door he had just come out of. Shaking off the rest of his doubt, he made his way to and down the stairs. Fear of running into Even crept into him. What would the other boy do? Be mad? Relieved? For some reason he hoped he wouldn’t feel hurt. He would rather have him furious. Isak found himself in a spare reception room, spotting the gravel yard, he had come from days ago,through the glass doors. He took a deep breath. Bye Even. Bye Room 79. He needed to take care of himself. Figure things out. Although he had no idea how.

 

He scrunched his eyes shut at the burning sensation of stepping into the sun after a week spent inside. As his sight adjusted he immediately glanced at the place where Even had found him. He still didn’t know if that was a blessing or a curse. And he wasn’t going to find out. A part of him wanted to go back to the comfortable numbness of his motel bed but that longing came too late.

 

Isak did what had brought him into this situation in the first place. He ran. His feet flew over the cracked asphalt of a cheap Oslo neighborhood, full of run down 24/7 cornerstores which ejected the smell of alcohol. Just like now he didn’t know where to go when he first ran. David lived a whole 20 underground stations away from this part of the city he had entered for the first time 8 days ago. Figuring that he needed to find somewhere to stay he had followed signs to the motel to find out that he had brought not nearly enough money and ran into Even. He wouldn’t be as lucky a second time. If it was such luck, why was he running? ’Because you don’t know him or his intentions. And if they were good, he wouldn’t want you after last night. ‘No one would want you after you show how pathetic you are.’ he replied to himself, heart aching. The thought made him move his legs even faster, ignoring the protest of his muscles.

 

A street came into his sight. He needed to stop. He needed to stop and wait for the traffic light to turn green. But he didn’t want to. Stopping meant having to figure the situation out. And he knew none of the solutions to his problems were pretty. The rushing cars came closer and closer and Isak did the only thing he knew would stop him. He ran right into the traffic light. The pain blinded him for a second and he reached up to his forehead, rubbing the spot that would later become an ugly bruise. Only now he noticed how much his legs were shaking and how rapid his breathing was. The car owners drove on and on, like he didn’t nearly die. Isak felt incredibly alive.

 

He ended up in a quiet neighborhood. Houses that probably contained happy families, pretty gardens. Not too far from where he had fled but far enough. The sun was setting and Isak felt a small sting in his heart as he watched laughing children being called inside by their parents from a small playground. He sat down on the swingset and watched the street getting empty with his feet dangling a few centimetres over the ground. He started swinging and tried to get lost in the rhythm as it got dark around him.

 

When he touched the ground again he wasn’t able to spot his own hand. He missed the motel bed. He wished he had known for sure he was safe there. But how was he supposed to trust? It didn’t matter anyway now. He didn’t deserve a home anyway. That thought got engraved in his mind as he settled in a wooden ship, one he would have loved to play in as a kid. The hard surface somehow hurt more everytime he told himself that he deserved this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.It'll be okay,i promise.


	3. Isak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoa so i've been in amsterdam and super busy in general so i had zero time to write but here i am

“Fuck. Hey,hey.” Isak had unintentionally been trained to wake up to the slightest of noises so these chants made him jump up in an instant and scoot away from the general direction of it. He sat up,ready to defend himself and then focused his eyes on what he even needed to defend himself from. Even. Fucking Even squatting inside of the wooden toy ship, arms held up in capitulation and relief all over his face. 

 

“What the fuck are you doing?” he gasped, body still prepared to fight but the tension slightly draining. “Making sure you’re okay. You scared me.” his face was serious and Isak didn’t know what to say. He certainly was surprised, having settled on never seeing the other man again. A part of him though was moved and being torn down for it. He didn’t know what to do although he wanted to do so much. Beg Even to hold him again, shake him until he could see how bad Isak was, scream, run, cry, laugh hysterically at the absurdity of it all. Before he could settle on anything tears made their way onto his face and decided for him.

 

Feeling embarrassed at how weak he felt he spit out a “You don’t have the right to worry about me.” that was meant to be sharp but got ruined by the sobs rocking through him. Even still hadn’t moved and seemed helpless but at those words a sort of determination crossed his expression. “You don’t get to decide that. Why do you think I shouldn’t have the right?” Isak wanted to scream at the calm answer. Why wouldn’t this guy stay away and give him the desolation he deserved? 

 

“You don’t even know me.” “But I’d love to get to know you.” “I’m useless. I’m terrible. I ruin everything.” He was yelling. The volume of his words didn’t affect Even but their message seemed to hit him. “What makes you think that?” David. Fuck, why did he let it get this far? He hadn’t let his anger out at another person in so long, only on himself, that doing it now felt slightly liberating but mostly terrifying and with every yelled word the panic tightened in his chest more,expecting to get punished for being the ungrateful bitch he was. 

 

He knew he couldn’t keep going like this. If the impossible happened and Even wouldn't decide that this was reason enough to hurt him, his chest would just contract until tears would burst out and the look of pity would reappear. He needed to stop at once. So he went with the one thing that worked best on David, being the submissive little toy he wanted him to be and agreeing with every terribly hurtful thing that was thrown at him. And the even better version, coming up with insults for himself on his own.

 

“It’s a fact. You don’t have to spend more than a second with me to find out how worthless I am. I’m useless, I’m so bad.” Oh god, he hated being back in this position. Nothing would ever change for him. “I don’t want to be though, David, really. I’m trying to be good. I’m trying to please you. Please.” The words came rasping out now, fast and panicked and he couldn’t even fully comprehend them himself. As he did, realisation beamed upon him.

 

Even looked pretty shaken up at this point but his voice was still calm:”I’m not who you are afraid of. I’m not David.” Isak flinched at the name but also felt a sort of relief that the word wasn’t stuck in his head anymore, was spoken, even by someone who had no idea about who it belonged to. “You don’t have to please me,you only have to please yourself. As long as you’re yourself and take care of that self i’m going to be happy with you. And if you don’t, we’re going to work on it. Slowly.” 

 

What are you supposed to reply to that? The younger boy still had tears in his eyes as he stubbornly responded : ”You don’t even know my name.” He was moved, he wanted to please Even with being happy, he wanted to let him help him but the absurdity of the situation and his defense mechanisms, built up over years, were still protesting. “But I’d love to know it when you’re ready.” 

 

The thing was that he knew tons of stuff about Even. He knew he was bipolar, how his mania felt like and how he struggled with maintaining it in college. He knew he was pansexual and he knew that he used to have a girlfriend named Sonja and that they were still good friends after their breakup. He knew that he had a hamster named Layla. He knew he owned Nas’ entire discography. He knew that he took his coffee with the tiniest bit of milk. And all that knowledge would usually be accompanied by a friendship in some way, even if he wouldn’t share the same. And Isak really really wanted a friend, someone he could trust unintentionally, someone who he could talk to, someone who loved him, someone who relieved his ache for tender touch. But he was sure he couldn’t let himself trust if he wanted. 

 

“I’m sorry. I...someone…” he tried to justify himself because even if he couldn’t let himself fall for this guy he was terrified of letting him down. He didn’t know what he had planned to say. ‘Someone made me like this?’ ‘Someone broke me?’ ‘Someone made me realise my true worth and it’s not nearly enough for you?’ 

 

“You don’t need to apologise or justify yourself. If you come back with me to my apartment…” Isak’s head shot up. “Apartment?” A concerned look crossed Even’s face. “Yeah,um I figured I couldn’t hide from university forever. If… if that’s too much I can keep paying you to stay somewhere.” The younger boy nearly laughed out. “Why the fuck would you do that?” “I want to help you figure things out. I don’t need to be more present than necessary. I just couldn’t bear letting you live out there.” Isak wanted to scream, sob and bang his head repeatedly at the wood surrounding them. But instead he spoke, his voice coming out calm and quiet for an unknown reason. “My name is Isak.” The smiles Isak had seen before were nothing to the one that lit up Even’s face now. 

 

“Can I hug you, Isak?”

“Please do.”


End file.
